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Submitted on
August 11, 2005
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Darkness pulls its heavy blanket
Over my tired eyes
‘sleep my child and
dream,
of things beyond this world
feel your thoughts succumb
to nothingness
pulse, is calm
the body, relaxes.
drift

away
on a raft of elusive sensations,
give in to the forces of the imagination
and tear down the walls which imprison your mind.
My child, don’t be afraid,
what happens is not real
You’re still in control
Just not as you think

Ah, now, I have your attention,
your mind, your body and soul.
you’ve finally escaped to those
murky
depths.
Say hello to your
conscious
unconscious.
Be still whilst he violates your being.
just sitting here in the office...and this came to me...it's only taken about half an hour...so it could use some more work...but i need to get on with other things..
I'm not big on writing poems...but i've been looking at a lot of poetry recently...and thought i'd give it a shot
critique is welcome!!
take care
x
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:iconnalini:
nalini Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2005
:headbang: you are so great at this =)
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:iconoverjoyed-mongoloid:
overjoyed-mongoloid Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2005
lol thanks a lot...i think this was just a fluke really...i want to be able to write really well but it relies on inspiration..i find i get these random bursts of it every now and then...but like i said..this is only the third poem i've ever written!
cheers again and thank you for adding it to your faves! :hug:
tc
x
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:iconnalini:
nalini Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2005
your welcome=)
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:icondonnamalefica:
DonnaMalefica Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2005
Nu!!! I like the last line!!! :D It's a great poem!
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:iconoverjoyed-mongoloid:
overjoyed-mongoloid Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2005
hehe the last line was different before but i didn't think it worked so i changed it to that...which i think works better...and your comment seems to confirm!!
Thank you though...i've probably written about three poems in my life...so it's still something I have to work at, but cheers again :aww:
tc
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:iconcaeruleus-flamma:
caeruleus-flamma Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2005
double post =P
Nice for half an hours work I'll post this at ur other one for when u delete one =D
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:iconcaeruleus-flamma:
caeruleus-flamma Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2005
double post =P
Nice for half an hours work I'll post this at ur other one for when u delete one =D
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:iconoverjoyed-mongoloid:
overjoyed-mongoloid Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2005
omg i'm such a knobhead...i didn't realise it had posted twice!!! NOW it makes sense!! lol...
ok well i guess one of thems going
hahaha
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:iconoverjoyed-mongoloid:
overjoyed-mongoloid Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2005
thank you...maybe my brain isn't functioning properly...but your comment seems...a little cryptic :confused:...lol
which other one exactly? and when i delete what? your comment? sorry for my denseness ^^; :blushes:
p.s. i think i'll change the last line...it's bugging me
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